11/03/2009 Final Confession

10.30pm after work, when i was at home, i quarreled with my parents on something.. fuck it.. then i went out alone to a place i always go.. bought half dozen of beer, drink by myself.. i drink and drink and keep on drink.. then, i thought of her.. and tried to make a call to her.. she was sleeping that time, but still want to chat with me.. we talked for quite long until my battery was gone.. i confessed to her for the last time, but she gave me the same answer as usual.. she even told me that she had a crush on another guy, which is much more better than me.. she wants a guy that can take care of her, with a steady permanent work, can take care of the whole family, and can make her happy.. when she said that, i knew that i already have no chance of getting her back by my side.. well, it's nothing much but just a sad lonely night.. i promise to myself that i will cry for this girl for the one last time.. i won't cry for her and do something stupid for her anymore.. that's all for it.. she had changed, faster than what i thought.. i hate involving in any love relationship now, because there's no any sweet words that will come true at the end.. we talk sweet everyday, but just ask yourself, do u really do what u have just said..? i love you..i want to marry you, i want to be with you forever.. the word 'forever' here really means a lot.. sensitively spoke by every couple in this world.. but, i trust myself and my feeling.. i still have heart with her.. i love her, the feeling is undefinable.. there's no such forever love in this world.. i back home at 6am morning, and then take a short nap and woke up at 9.50am and get ready to go for work..